you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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