If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
