She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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