it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
