There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
