i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
