He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
