i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
