drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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