so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
