Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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