I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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