we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
