I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
