He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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