with your own penis?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
