i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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