is your mom at the bar?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
