apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
