I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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