please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
