my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
