I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
home. puking in laundry basket.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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