my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize