Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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