It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
