Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
