You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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