I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
