i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
