chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize