Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
