So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
