At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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