So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize