I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize