I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
