So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
