are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
