I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize