I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
