If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
