his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
