i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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