Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
