Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
