We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
