You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
