Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
