She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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