I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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