Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
