Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
worst night to have a conscience
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
