why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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