her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
