and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
