U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize