You're so nebulous sometimes
Barsexuality is the new black.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
