I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
