ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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