i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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