he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
