o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
should my penis look like a turkey
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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