I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
