He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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