why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
