I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
