careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
