i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
