apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
