so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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