He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When are your genitals available?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
