today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
